just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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