I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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