pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
