i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Boobs are out for the taking
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
