He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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