I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
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Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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