broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize