so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
