Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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