he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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