Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
