I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
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I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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