Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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