I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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