I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
