he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize