I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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