Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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