and you said cock pushups were impossible
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize