its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
