Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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