Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry about my life...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
