go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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