Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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