booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
