Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
