There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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