I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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