she kept yelling 'call me bella'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
