yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
