Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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