my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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