I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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