i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
if only i could text you this smell
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
