If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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