you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
