At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
