ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
