Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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