Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
