im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
