Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
