I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
