Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she smelled like a LAN party
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize