I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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