What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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