Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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