im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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