Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
