You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
