Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
