We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
