I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
