i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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