How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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