you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
