Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
