u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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