I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
