this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm both gender and math confused
I DEMAND FORESKIN
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
