Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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