It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We talked him into tasing himself.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
