i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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